Chapter 12
Exercises for the couple

Here are some exercises to help us practice the theoretical explanations of affection developed in the previous chapters. The goal of the solo exercises was to notice our own emotional world and to give in to it. With exercises for the couple, we must notice the emotions that the other makes us experience and to give into it. Overall, these exercises will let us get used to the pleasure of letting go to the other.

General objective:
Learn to use our emotional reactions and those of our partner to please each other mutually.

Prerequisite:
You must have reached the general objective of the solo exercises in the preceding chapter.

Common preparation:
Before each exercise or series of exercises, you must be emotionally receptive in the following way. Close your eyes and concentrate on the feelings that your body produces for two minutes while being separated from your partner.

First series of exercises
Without physical contact

Specific objectives:
1- Learn to enter into emotional communication.
2- Improve your ability to feel the other person's emotions.
3- Be more sensitive to the physical and psychological presence of your partner.

Common duration:
You should do one exercise per day and in the order that they appear. Each exercise each last twenty minutes.

Starting position:
A. Facing each other, seated around the kitchen table.
B. Facing each other, standing one meter apart.

1.1 Seated break

Procedure:
In position A, close your eyes and remain silent.

Instructions:
Concentrate on detecting your partner's breathing and small movements.

1.2 Standing break

Procedure:
In position B, close your eyes and remain silent.

Instructions:
Concentrate on detecting the sounds of your partner's breathing and small movements during the first few minutes, and then concentrate on the state of unease that this position causes in your partner. Pay attention to variations in breathing rhythm and weight transfer from one leg to another by listening or being next to the other.

Notes:
The first two exercises are intended to teach you how to concentrate on your partner and to spend time with them. These exercises follow the same progression as the solo exercises: we must start by making ourselves available to our partner, then notice their emotions to finally give into them.

In the following exercises, the intended goal is to improve your ability to read the other person emotionally. Emotions are feelings which are subtlety detected. Then, from the sound of someone's voice, we filter the unspoken feelings, which correspond to emotions that their body gives off. So, it is possible to sense our partner's emotional state from a distance, with our eyes closed, without her saying anything to us. For example, from the sound of her breathing; we can perceive if she feels good or bad, whether she is breathing deeply or quickly and jerky.

1.3 Standing observation using words

Procedure:
From starting position B, close your eyes and use your voice.

Instructions:
From the sounds of respiration and small movements, you must concentrate on the state of discomfort that this position causes in the other. One at a time, tell each other what you sense from the other and what that makes you feel and experience as emotions. You must confirm if your partner's perceptions are true or not.

1.4 Seated observation

Procedure:
From starting position A, open your eyes and remain silent.

Instructions:
Watch your partner's face while looking directly in their eyes. Concentrate on feeling their emotions that the visual perception of the other makes you experience.

1.5 Standing observation while watching

Procedure:
From starting position B, open your eyes and remain silent.

Instructions:
Going from the state of discomfort that this position causes in your partner, watch their body as a whole while looking them directly in the eyes. Concentrate on sensing the emotions that seeing your partner makes you experience.

1.6 Standing observation while looking and speaking

Procedure:
From starting position B, open your eyes and speak.

Instructions:
Again, using the state of discomfort that this position causes in your partner, observe their body completely while looking them directly in the eyes. One after the other, tell what you are feeling from the other and what you are experiencing as emotions. You must confirm if their perceptions of you are true or not.

1.7 Observation in various positions

Procedure:
Choose four positions (seated, lying down or standing) but always at a distance of one meter from each other. Open your eyes, speak or remain silent and only take five minutes per position.

Instructions:
For each position, observe your partner's body as a whole while looking directly in their eyes. One after another, tell what you are feeling from the other and what they are making you feel for emotions. You must confirm if their perceptions of you are faithful to what you are experiencing. You must compare the different feelings that each position produces. You are not obligated to verbally express what you feel.

Common procedure for the next three exercises:
You must read the other emotionally while using one sense at a time and with no verbal exchange.

1.8 Listening

Procedure for listening:
Comfortably sit on a couch, and close your eyes so that you can concentrate more on listening.

Instructions:
While one partner speaks of anything that comes to mind, the other concentrates on sensing the emotions that the sound of his voice makes him experience. You should change roles every five minutes.

1.9 Sight

Procedure with sight:
You must be completely naked, the one who is being emotionally observed should be standing, eyes closed, while the other is comfortably seated in order to observe them.

Instructions:
You must give into your feelings which arise from seeing your partner's naked body. Every five minutes you must switch places.

1.10 Smell

Procedure with smell:
You must be completely naked, facing each other and separated by about four inches, eyes closed and arms placed next to your body.

Instructions:
Inhale through your nose gently and quickly exhale to detect the body smells of the other. Concentrate on the emotions that they make you feel.

Second series of exercises
With physical contact

Specific objectives:
1- Discover different positions and affectionate gestures
2- Explore the emotional effects of physical contact
3- Notice what happens when you physically abandon yourself to one another.

Preparation:
A. Start with the general preparation mentioned at the beginning of the chapter.
B. Practice what you have learned in the previous exercises by taking two minutes to emotionally read the other without touching them.
C. Slowly move closer to one another.

Common procedure:
In general, one person is active and the other passive. The person who is active explores the emotional effect that they produce on the other and the passive one gives into the pleasure of being touched. These exercises are done completely naked, in darkness, without music or any other sound, and in silence (no talking). Only one exercise is to be done per day and in consecutive order.

Common Instructions:
Restrict yourselves to what is proposed in the exercise - that means don't have regular sexual relations following each exercise.

2.1- Smell

Procedure:
In standing position, the active person only touches the other person with their nose and the lower part of their face. The correct breathing technique is described as follows: press your nose and mouth on their skin to create an air pocket so that you capture and concentrate his or her smell: place one nostril at a time flat against the skin, by gently turning your head, you then turn your head so you can go from one nostril to another every two to three inhalations. Inhale the air slowly by puffing out your stomach, then take a break before exhaling the air rapidly. In this manner, explore every region of your partner's body and discover the different smells he or she has. Each of you get to explore the other for about thirty minutes. You must avoid touching each other with your hands or any other part of your body. After this exercise, get dressed and watch television or do something else.

Smell the following body parts in this order: hair, neck, face, feet, calves up to the knees, hands, forearms, arms, shoulders, back, chest, thighs, up to the buttocks, stomach, underarms, buttocks, and finally, genital parts.

Notes:
Concentrate on the paralyzing effect of body odors.

2.2 Hand contact

Procedure:
This exercise is done standing. A sniff always proceeds a caress. Caresses should be done one hand at a time. So you must keep your nose close to your hand, ready to sniff before the next caress. You can also sniff at the same that you are caressing. Body regions should be caressed in the same order as the preceding exercise. You each explore the other for thirty minutes.

Instructions:
Concentrate on the emotional effect linked to caressing the other in this way.

Notes:
The sense of smell is the basis for an exchange of affection. Sniffing is continuously done during this since body odors, being linked to the good feelings that we have for the other, makes emotional abandon easier. This is why all of these exercises includes the action of sniffing.

2.3- Introduction to hugs

Procedure:
During each hug, you must sniff a part of the body. A hug consists of squeezing the other strongly with your arms, during which you inhale slowly and deeply while sniffing. Only one person at a time hugs.

Here are the three basic embraces:
a) Standing, face to face, encircle the body at the height of the chest while smelling his or her neck;
b) Crouched, encircle the other at the level of their hips while placing your head against his or her stomach all while smelling him or her.
c) Kneeling position, encircle the other at the height of their thighs, place your head next to his or her pubic area and smell his or her genital parts. Do these hugs once, one person after the other.

Instructions:
Concentrate on the reassuring effect of this hug.

Notes:
When you are not having a standard sexual relation to ejaculate, you learn to give into affection quicker. Men's genital pleasure happens without any additional learning. Books on sexuality, which explain different positions to use to penetrate your partner, are useless. In fact, anyone who has a little bit of imagination is able to discover this by themselves.

It is important to forget our desire to ejaculate during these exercises in order to reach the learning objective. More importantly, ejaculation is a gift that our partner spontaneously gives us during affection.

2.4 Hugs for a man in seated position on a chair.

Common procedure:
Seated on a kitchen chair without arms. You can, after a hug, stay in this position as long as you want. Repeat each hug three times and do all of these exercises during one session.

2.4.1 Armpits

Procedure:
Your partner is seated sideways, on your thighs; she raises her arm closest to you and places her hand on her head. You wrap your arms under her breasts while smelling her underarms. Make three hugs for each underarm.

2.4.2 Back

Procedure:
Your partner sits on your thighs, her back against you. You wrap your arms around her stomach, placing your head in the center of her back at the level of the shoulder blades, all while smelling her.

2.4.3 Shoulders

Procedure:
Your partner is seated sideways on your thighs, putting her arm around your neck. You wrap your arms under her breasts placing your head against the front of her shoulder all while sniffing her neck.

2.4.4 Breasts

Procedure:
Your partner is seated on you facing you, legs spread, then she places her arms around your neck. You place your head between her two breasts and encircle her at the level of the lower back all while smelling her chest.

2.4.5 Thighs

Procedure:
Your partner is standing up and sideways, with their back against you. While staying seated, you spread your knees to lean forward and place your head against her right or left buttock. Hug them around her thighs all while inhaling the smell of her buttocks.

2.4.6 Stomach

Procedure:
Your partner is standing and facing you. While staying seated, you spread your knees and lean forward and place your head sideways against her stomach. You wrap your arms around their buttocks and smell their stomach.

2.4.7 The little baby

Procedure:
Your partner is sitting to the side, on you and places an arm around your neck. She places her head against your shoulder and pulls her knees into her stomach. Turn your head to the side to press it against your partner's head. Hug them by putting one arm around their back and the other to hold their legs on their knees while smelling their hair.

Common directions:
The man willingly gives into his feelings and the woman willingly receives them.

Notes:
These hugs on a chair are basic positions of affection for the man because they provoke a specific response from the woman. In other words, the woman will automatically react to this type of hug which will propel her into a state of great pleasure. By hugging, we express all the love and passion that we have for our partner. It is by this passion that our emotions will be expressed which will render her happy. These hugs are always part of an exchange of affection.

2.5 Hugs for a woman in standing position

Common Procedure:
The procedure is the same as it was for the man's hugs, except it is done in a standing position.

2.5.1 Pectorals

Procedure:
Your partner turns her head to the side to place it between your two pectorals. She hugs you around your back and smells you.

2.5.2 Armpits

Procedure:
Your partner turns her head to the side and places it in the hollow of one of your armpits, all while looking towards the front of your body. You have to lift the corresponding arm up. She hugs your trunk under your pectorals and smells your armpit.

2.5.3 Shoulders

Procedure:
Your partner turns her head to the side and places it against your back and in between your two shoulder blades. Then she places her arms under your armpits and brings her hands up and on your shoulders to hug us, while pushing down on them while at the same time, smelling you.

2.5.4 Back - pectorals

Procedure:
Your partner places their forehead against your back and between your two shoulder blades. Then she wraps her arms under your armpits and places her hands on your pectorals to hug you, pulling back while smelling your back.

2.5.5 Buttocks

Procedure:
Your partner, in kneeling position, turns her head to the side to place it against one of your buttocks and looking forward. She wraps you around your hips and smells your buttocks.

Notes:
During these hugs, you must pay attention to the emotional effect that your partner's curves has on you or the soft consistency of her body. Inversely, your partner should pay attention to the emotional effect of your build and your muscles or on the firm consistency of your body.

2.6 "Nuzzles"*
(*A neologism meaning skin against skin)

Common procedure:
Nuzzles are made up of the body's static positions pushing against different parts of your partner's body. Smelling is done less intensely, but constantly, to detect ambient odors. The two people choose the same position and simultaneously play an active and passive role. You must keep your eyes closed and be naked. All of the following exercises are done in one session. Each position lasts ten minutes for a total of one hour.

Common Procedure:
Concentrate on the emotional effect of the sensation of the warmth of your bodies, the softness of the skin and the consistency of the other's body.

2.6.1 Hands

Procedure:
While standing face to face, around a kitchen table, take both of her hands into yours.

2.6.2 Face to Face

Procedure:
While standing facing each other, arms to the side and your head pressed against the other's shoulder. Your partner places one leg between yours.

Note:
The larger the surface contact is, the more the feeling of warmth will be intense. This warmth creates a common intimacy where emotions can circulate.

2.6.3 The Siamese

Procedure:
Seat side by side on a couch, the arm closest to the shoulder of the other so that the side of each person is touching. You should place your head so that they are pressed one against the other.

2.6.4 Hand on the stomach

Procedure:
While lying on your back, side by side in a bed, press together your sides while placing a hand on your partner's stomach.

Notes:
When you both have your hand on the other person's stomach, you enter into direct emotional communion or one even more intense because the stomach is the center of emotions. In other words, it is in this part of the body that your emotions start and where you retain them.

2.6.5 The spoon

Procedure:
Lying on your side and on the same side (left-left or right-right). Your partner comes and snuggles against your back while placing one arm on the bed around your head and the other on your stomach. You bend your knees so your partner can press their knees behind yours. As a variation, she can place one leg on top of your thigh. Then, switch positions and press against her back.

2.6.6 Head on the stomach

Procedure:
Your partner lies on her back. You place the side of your head on her stomach and look towards her feet. You also place your arm around her hip and the other at the base of her neck. Switch positions after five minutes (your partner puts her head against your stomach).

Note:
It must be mentioned that the emotional role of the stomach is greater for the woman. Therefore, expect to experience a lot of emotions in this position.v

2.6.7 Face to face lying down

Procedure:
Lie down on your side face to face. Your partner puts one leg between yours, places one arm on top of your head and the other around your back and places their head against your neck. You place one arm on top of her head and the other around her back.

Common note:
These hugging and nuzzling exercises that I have suggested are only a cornerstone serving to teach loving gestures. Thus, after having experienced the emotional experience of these exercises, they will be spontaneously included in our loving relations. Following this, we will have the desire to explore other gestures according to the inspiration of the moment.

3.0 Small affectionate gestures

Here is the description of affectionate gestures which can be done in between moments when we are having an exchange of affection. They are to be used to add fuel to your fire of love and to maintain it. These gestures are divided into three types: touches, caresses and cuddles which express the love that we feel for our partner.

3.1 Touches

A touch is done by putting your open and flat hand on a part of your partner's body then gently pinching or compressing your hand while making the gesture to close your hand. You should do four quick compressions at a time. Touches are principally done on three regions of the body: the hips, thighs and arms. Only choose one region at a time. It is a small gesture which says I love you.

3.2 Caresses

You caress each other spontaneously when you are physically close to your partner. The parts of the body that you usually caress is the following: hair, sides of the face, neck and hands. These caresses comfort your partner, and particularly when they are going through rough times.

3.3 Cuddles

This is how you cuddle: you start by touching with your nose, then with a jerky movement, you move by accelerating your head against your partner's or against any other part of their body.

Cuddles are also jerky nudges which can also be done with a shoulder. A cuddle done with the nose and the head is always accompanied by a sniff. A nasal cuddle is like an excuse to go smell your partner in order to be comforted. In fact, the odor of your partner has a calming effect on you. You can thus cuddle when you are feeling stressed. The parts of the body where you usually snuggle with the nose are the following: the end of the nose, ears, neck, temples, shoulders and shoulder blades. On the other hand, cuddles are done with the shoulder, are usually done at or against the back and the other person's shoulders.

Cuddles are like words of welcome. They tell our partner that we are open to receive her in our heart and give her our undivided attention. Cuddles are also used as an emotional connector to reassure the other. It should be a ritual to do before each activity practiced together, because it creates a favorable atmosphere for communication. Finally, it is a way of showing our need for affection.

Notes: While communicating with our partner, we must touch her, caress her and cuddle her if the moment is opportune. Anytime is a good time for a nuzzle - while watching television, while doing the dishes, while taking a walk or while watching life go by on a park bench. These cuddles shouldn't necessarily be taken as a personal invitation to make love. These small affectionate gestures maintain the loving link. Frequent physical contact favors authentic communication. In fact, nothing is more sincere and true than the message that our body transmits to the other. Emotional communication is essential for a good relationship as a couple.

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