Love corresponds to an action of thinking to make the emotions of well-being surge in ourselves and in our partner. Thinking, is using our intelligence to analyze and evaluate a situation in order to understand it from an objective point of view. Having an objective opinion signifies that we can separate ourselves from our thoughts which come from the emotions that actions make emerge. Thus, for example, if we make an effort to give into a woman and this woman refuses to give us the time of day, we can overcome our frustration by saying that we can't please all women. A feeling of frustration will set off many thoughts which will lead to either degrading ourselves to say that we are no good or degrading the woman by calling her all sorts of names. Being objective signifies that we reason. So reasoning and love are the one and the same. Reasoning corresponds to the action of love.

Love gives us the ability to fully welcome our partner in our hearts. Welcoming suggests that we can go beyond the frustrations that a relationship makes us experience unavoidably. To survive, we must maintain physiological stability by adapting to stress. There is physical stress such as cold, heat, physical strain, sickness and psychological stress like the loss of a loved one or the birth of a child. Among all the types of psychological stress, frustration is the one most frequently experienced by everyone. A day doesn't go by without us experiencing frustration. The first source of frustration which we have to face starts when we are a baby. Our mother couldn't give us her breast immediately when we were hungry. We reacted by crying to tell her about our state of suffering.

The primary role of parents is to help their children deal with frustrations in life. In other words, they help their children adapt to stress in life. Thus when a four-year old child cries because he is frustrated because his parent refuses to buy him a toy that he really wants, they should follow him through the emotion. They should take advantage of this moment to hug him, caress him and tell him that they love him. It is like encouraging an athlete to finish his event with power. Showing affection to a child at this precise moment will give him psychological strength to overcome this obstacle of frustration. Once the child becomes an adult, he will have the psychological tools to overcome his moments of frustration and he will reassure himself with his reasoning.

By associating frustration to something which is a good experience, like affection, we send a positive attitude towards it to the child. In the contrary case, if we argue with the child because he is crying, we will provoke another frustration in addition to the first one. Unresolved frustrations will build up while negative emotions which will be rooted in the memory and then become the source of problems when they are adults. Here, we no longer play the role of a parent which is to reassure the child. If a parent gets angry because their child is crying, it is because he can not get past his own frustrations. He is overcome by his emotions of frustration caused by the tantrum and cries of his child. By being unable to reason out the situation and to separate themselves from his emotions, he missed an occasion to give his child love.

If our parents knew how to reassure us in our moments of frustration, we would have learned how to manage our negative emotions. This means that we can rapidly free ourselves from the effects on our body by only paying it a little bit of attention. In the contrary case, when we experience feelings of frustration, their negative effects will lead us to develop degrading thoughts against ourselves and people in question. This type of emotion invades us, sticks to our body and influences not only our thoughts, but our actions. We worry a lot about the factors that have caused this type of emotion and our life as a result, becomes a nightmare.

Parents who accept that their child will be frustrated take him seriously. They take the time to listen to him and they accompany him through this emotion all while giving him affection, thus preserving his self-esteem. This attitude prevents the child from developing degrading thoughts towards himself. Once we are adults, we can no longer count on our parents to reassure us in our moments of frustration. We must become emotionally autonomous. This emotional independence is realized by using our reasoning. Thus, by reasoning, we become able to feel and analyze where all of our emotions are coming from in order to reabsorb those which can cause us psychological pain. From the moment that frustration appears, we use reasoning to positively channel this type of emotion. Reasoning is a interior speech which reassures. We tell ourselves that we will always be the prettiest, the most intelligent and the finest person there is. Reasoning, is analyzing a situation to make it less important. It will also help us find actions, solutions and compromises to solve a problem.

All social relations are a source of frustration because no-one has the same needs at the same time: our interests, tastes, goals, opinions and characters are different. Having friends, is making compromises on lots of things because the people around us can't meet all of our needs, and even less at the precise moment that they happen. We must sometimes abandon certain needs that we can't have fulfilled. Reasoning lets us overcome these emotional losses without experiencing rejection from our friends. A need should always be treated immediately for our emotional well-being. But by chance, our conscience allows us to re-establish our balance shaken by an unfulfilled need, usually a source of psychological suffering. To face this reality of life, we must have good self-esteem. We can thus use our times of suffering as experiences allowing us to grow within, because it is through suffering that we discover life and that we become more competent to live.

The presence of love in a couple implies that the two partners see themselves positively. Thus, by considering our partner as the prettiest, most intelligent and finest person, in a situation where she will not be available to meet our needs, we will not develop degrading thoughts for her. This will help us avoid experiencing feelings of bitterness and dissatisfaction. A couple's relationship will have emotional dependence, but we must stay independent at a rational level. This independence lets us stay in control as to not let ourselves be overcome by the emotions which would be sources of tension in the relationship. Emotional dependence creates attempts often too big towards our partner. Thus, every time that she refuses to do us a favor, we will risk experiencing a feeling of uncontrolled frustration as if she completely accepts us. Love takes part in this situation. It allows us to be a part of things so that we don't feel rejected by our partner. With reasoning, we reassure ourselves to not lose control. The more our parents reassured us when we were young, the easier it was for us to overcome frustrations all while preserving our self esteem when we are adults.

To be refused a favor automatically initiates a feeling of rejection. Being rejected means for us that the other person shows us such little value that we don't deserve their attention. Using reasoning, we can quickly get over this unavoidable feeling. This ability to see the difference between our emotional state and our situation reality, in order to reason with ourselves, requires that we have good self-esteem. If we didn't have the chance to be valued by our parents during our childhood, we must notice it rationally. And then, we must make efforts to value ourselves to build up our esteem.

This is because life has challenges that we need for love. If life was easy and lacking all challenges, love would be useless. Living as a couple requires that we are continually making an effort to tame our partner. Loving our partner, is making an effort to negotiate, listen, understand her, talk to her, compliment her and accept her faults and limitations. And above all, to be able to pass beyond the frustrations that she makes us experience when she refuses to meet one of our needs.

The emotional engagement to our partner is an important part so an exchange of affection can happen. If a couple's relationship is not based on affection, it will stay at a level of friendship. So, engaging ourselves emotionally means taking notice of our emotional dependence which starts from the moment there is intimate physical contact, in order to take it on. Taking it on means using our intelligence to accept what this implies as responsibility. This emotional dependence is explained by the fact that we unavoidably show our vulnerability to the other during an exchange of affection, thus forming an emotional tie. We naturally feel tied to the person with whom we share the majority of our intimacy.

If a woman gives us the privilege of showing her vulnerability, we can easily manipulate her to cause trouble or to abuse her psychologically. This is why in a couple, there must be a large amount of mutual confidence so we don't fear such a betrayal. Emotional dependence can be visualized as a precious thing that we confide to the other. Our partner integrates a part of our intimacy in his experience, thus becoming the guardian of our weakness. The responsibility of emotional engagement is unconditionally respecting our partner.

Emotional dependency bonds a couple with the pleasurable well-being that an exchange of affection gives them. The term dependence is mainly linked with the effect of a drug. Thus, men and women, like drug addicts, experience the same feelings from lacking or wanting sex that pushes them to continually desire an exchange of affection and not sex to obtain their dose of pleasure. Lovers are dependent on a hormone responsible for well-being that they experience.

Responsibility tied with this emotional dependence leads us to take care of our partner. In men, testosterone is the hormone responsible for muscular strength and aggression, both necessary to defend himself against an enemy or a ferocious animal. Men take care of their partner first, by protecting her from other men who can physically or sexually assault her. It is naturally logical that man uses his force and aggression to protect his partner, in return for the well-being that she brings him. Living with the feeling of wanting to protect her proves that we are emotionally engaged. Protecting also means defending our partner when she feels demeaned by other people and to openly value her with those who we live with.

It is Mother Nature who determines the role of man, that is to protect women. This role is justified by the vulnerability of the woman who becomes pregnant and by the survival of the future baby in the hostile environment of former times. In spite of today's modern world with heated lodgings powered by electricity, supermarkets, police enforcement and little fear of being attacked by wild animals, our animal nature has not changed. Man possesses a desire to protect in order to assure that his partner is not psychologically, physically or sexually assaulted by other men. Man's muscular strength and aggression can be turned against women if he is psychologically unbalanced. This is why men who are mentally balanced should use their strength to protect their partner and women in general. In society, men should unite their strength to prevent and defend against all forms of aggression that woman can undergo.

Love on a daily basis is to worry about our partner. We must have good thoughts about her, tell her that we are lucky to be with her and worry about her when she is absent. It is also finding something to give her pleasure, like a small gift (flower), talking to her lovingly, telling her that she is beautiful and that we love her deeply.

I compare love to physical training in order to compete in an endurance event like jogging or cross country skiing. We must make an effort to reach our goal. To get pleasure out of participating in a sporting event, we should have sufficient preparation. In fact, in the contrary case, our body will not be able to endure the intensity of the stress of competition. The results from love are not immediate, they come after many efforts and suffering. We have to make an effort to give pleasure and take care of our partner. If she is our main point of interest, we will always be trying to get to know her better, to give her our time, we will make ourselves available to listen to her and we will get involved in her experiences. Getting involved in her life means being interested in what fills her life, or, in other words, with her thoughts. Thus, if she is a nurse, we will read everything that is written in the magazines and papers on this subject, we will ask her questions to understand the joys and pains of this line of work and we will listen to her when she tells us about her day. This requires an effort on our part. We need to turn away from our own problems for a moment and let ourselves be invaded by her personality, words and thoughts of our sweetheart. We must concentrate on staying present with our partner in spite of our preoccupation and distractions where we are (noise, radio, television, movement, etc.).

Patience is the main quality of love. As I explained it in the preceding paragraphs, suffering comes from frustration, and mostly from needs which are not fulfilled immediately when they are felt. We can manage our emotions of frustration with the help of patience. We must learn to wait for the moment when our partner is available to fulfill our needs. Being patient is staying available to listen to our partner in spite of the fact that we are tired. It is also avoiding getting mad at her if she bothers us while we are watching our favorite television show or if she goes through mood changes during her period.

Having patience is very hard but on the other hand, we are greatly rewarded for the efforts furnished by the well-being that an affectionate relationship brings. Our masculine sexuality is something of an obsession. We think a lot about sex and we will profit from every occasion that we can watch a woman. With our partner, we almost always feel the need to be in sexual contact with her. For the woman, it is the exact opposite. There must be something that turns her on so that she feels the need to have a sexual relation. This something is the love that we give her. Thus, as a man, we must hold back a lot of our sexual desire, which is the main source of frustration in a relationship. A sexual relation is a source of pleasure only if the woman feels entirely disposed to have it. It is only in these circumstances that the woman can abandon herself physically.

By abandon, women gives off feelings provoking pleasure in the sense that we can equally abandon ourselves. This state of pleasure is the reward for the efforts that we have used to take care of our partner. Don't forget that this pleasure comes from an exchange of affection. So affection bonds the relationship while sexuality acts as the switch for the reproduction pattern which corresponds to the ultimate finality of nature. It pushes us, through our hormones to find a partner. Sexuality is a tool of attraction to render sexual intercourse possible. Through our animal sexual desires, there is a human relationship between two beings who live in an affectionate exchange. Man must be patient and hope that his woman desires a sexual relationship in order to experience affection.

With love, we forge a positive image of our partner. This image produces a state of being which remains constantly present in our daily lives. It allows us to emotionally abandon ourselves to our partner. We offer her our body and she uses it in a way to fulfill our happiness. Affection is a spontaneous behavior which can disappear from our life if we are invaded by disagreeable emotions coming from a loss of our grip on our emotional life. Love makes up a feeling of well-being that we get from the person close to us. The presence of our partner provokes in us agreeable emotions if we are in a loving state of mind. They are the ones that allow us to emit and receive agreeable emotions. Thus, during physical intimacy, we can let ourselves be taken up by the emotions that circulate and which give us a moment of intense pleasure. This fantastic experience is a source of motivation to persevere in our efforts to maintain a loving bond with our partner. We necessarily exchange affection with the person who has the most importance and value in our eyes.

To love a woman who shares our life, we must love all women in general. We must show our love for all women that we see and interact with daily. Our partner is the image of all other women. Since she gives us happiness, we must have respect for other women too. If we develop a negative image of women in general, we also transfer it to our partner. In this situation, we would use her like a prostitute since we would be unable to have an emotional exchange. So emotions are the money of love. Showing love for women, is keeping an agreeable presence for them, having worthy thoughts and defending their image when they are threatened.

Love serves to place us in a emotional state making it easier to abandon ourselves emotionally and physically with our partner. Reasoning helps us concentrate on freeing ourselves from all of our worries in order to be fully present with our partner. Love makes us think and visualize good things about her. Worthy efforts and thoughts that we have for our partner makes us perceive her as the most fantastic, prettiest, gentlest person there is just before we try to establish affectionate contact. We must feel amazement and admiration for our partner to emotionally give in to her. Love gives us a feeling of self-confidence and confidence in her in order to show our vulnerability. An exchange of affection brings us a state of intense pleasure which literally disconnects us from our daily life, puts us in a trance and makes us lose sense of time and space. It is a moment of intense happiness.