The fact of memorizing our partner creates a persistent image in our mind, as if she is always present with us. When we think of her, we relive the emotions that she makes us usually experience. By feeling good in her presence, we have very worthy thoughts about her and we think about things that will likely give her pleasure when she will be with us again. When we are worried about her welcoming presence, we see her as prettier and finer than usual. We are urged to call them regularly and to write them letters to know how she is doing.

During prolonged absences from our partner, it is important to respect the principal of continuity. In fact, a loving relation evolves in such a way that we are more and more loving over time. No matter how much time and distance separate us from our partner, we are linked by the emotions that we share with them. On the other hand, if our partner leaves us for a week and that we are only thinking of busting out and trying to forget her by going to see dancers all while drinking, it is because we were not emotionally linked with her. Moments apart should serve to find ourselves as an individual and to research ourselves to become more energized and available for our partner. It is from our emotional link that we worry about her. Our feelings make we appreciate her value. We realize how good we feel in her presence and how important she is for our self. When we are in the presence of our partner for too long, we forget how much she brings us happiness.

Suffering:
Boredom is linked to suffering, an unavoidable phenomenon in life which we must take advantage of. So, a loving relationship is characterized by passion, which implies suffering. Passion is the final proof of our engagement emotionally towards our partner, which is essential to experience moments of pleasure in a loving relation. Thus, our partner's prolonged absence makes us suffer. In reality, throughout our life, our state of well-being and unease occur one after the other. The more that we get pleasure from practicing an activity, then the more we miss it after a certain period of time when we no longer do it. Since feelings during an exchange of affection correspond to a summit of well being that a human being can experience, a loving relationship is thus a source of great suffering.

To live in a loving relation, we must be able to tolerate suffering and manage it. Being tolerant to suffering means that it is not a source of anxiety for us. The fact of having been deprived of love and affection during our childhood leads us to experience much suffering when we are adults. It is thus for this reason that supporting the surplus of suffering that a couples relation can bring becomes impossible. Consequently, this explains the difficulty in getting involved in a love life. A couple where both people come from a dysfunctional family is bound for failure. Because for each of them, they become more of a source of suffering than a source of well-being and they are unable to mutually support each other. They must heal their childhood wounds with psychotherapy on the one hand, and have the will to get away on the other to even think about succeeding as a couple.

There is a difference between suffering coming from a childhood wound and one that comes from a relationship. The first corresponds to suffering not comforted by parents, for example, the fact of not having been held in the arms of our parents when we needed it. It is suffering that we carried with us til the time that we can take care of ourselves at an adult age. While in a loving relation, suffering is not a source of anxiety because we are sure that our partner can comfort us. A loving relation is very reassuring because we did not accumulate suffering. Suffering is a form of potential energy that we manage by channeling love towards our partner. In practice, this is realized by thinking about the happiness that they bring us when we suffer. In prolonged absence of our partner, boredom increases energy, which explains the sense of urgency that we have to see our partner again.

Mental imagery
Visualization is a technique essential to the preparation of an exchange of affection, which should be used anytime and under any circumstance. When we miss our companion, it is good to imagine ourselves hugging her in our arms and telling her that she is pretty, to help us thus pass the time. Visualization also helps us keep a positive image of her, even in difficult moments. We must constantly see our partner as the prettiest, finest, most marvelous and intelligent person there is. This valuable image allows us to have a open emotional attitude and reception towards her, which is necessary for physical abandon.

Visualization is a form of thought programming allowing us to avoid developing tension in a couple. The positive image that we have for her pushes us to make efforts to better understand her, communicate with her and thus resolve any differences. We must avoid criticizing and controlling our partner in such a way that she thinks like us or does what we consider to be correct.

Listening - Anticipating and predicting
Listening means respecting our partner's rhythm. We must wait wisely until she is available to fulfill our various needs. On the other hand, we must be available to fulfill the needs of our better half by being present for emotions which she continually experiences, in order to predict her reactions and her moods. This quality of presence, lets us quickly meet her need to be listened to, comforted, understood and to receive attention. This availability creates a link of confidence and security. Besides, the feeling of security is essential to an exchange of affection. Anticipating our partner's needs is great proof of love. Thus, she will have the feeling that we are taking care of her and that she is important to us.

Small favors:
Like the couple's reason for being is pleasure that an exchange of affection produces, we will favor the appearance of affectionate behavior by doing small favors for our partner. Like, for example, giving her a flower with a romantic note, preparing her breakfast in bed, warming up her bathrobe in the dryer in the morning, making her a candlelight dinner, calling her at work just to tell her that we love her, helping her undress in the winter, taking care of her when she is sick, washing her back when she takes a bath, scratching her back when it itches, getting her slippers and massaging her feet at night, warming up her hands or her feet with our body during winter, etc.

Small favors are not things that we make ourselves do just to give pleasure; they are naturally integrated into a loving relationship. So these gestures are made freely and without premeditation on our part to obtain sexual or other favors. By experience, we know that they create an environment favoring physical closeness. A small favor is an opening up of our heart which allows us to be psychologically close with our partner.

Paying attention to our partner is taking care of her and considering the relationship as a priority in our lives. Thus, we should plan our schedule in relation to the time that we will spend with our partner and not in function of other activities that we may have. She should come first in our lives and not our preferred television program, not the pool game at the bar, neither work nor friends. A loving relationship is a part-time job. We must devote at least twenty hours to it a week. By consecrating our time as such, we will get a lot out of it from a psychological point of view. We will be less stressed and happier because we will obtain our dose of pleasure by our exchange of affection. The salary of a job, is money and the salary of the attention that we give to our partner is physical and psychological well-being.

Making contact, welcoming, concentration, neutral, taming
There is a special preparation to do about an hour before the precise moment that we will be once again in the presence of our partner. This consists of developing the right mood to receive her. Making contact is crucial if we want to start a relationship off on the right foot. In fact, we can't guess in advance her emotional state, and her ours. If she is sad and we are happy, we can have problems detecting her emotions because we are not in contact with those feelings at that precise moment. Thus, by reflex at first, we don't understand why she is sad and that can cause a conflict. Usually, when we are happy, we don't want to become sad because it is unpleasant being sad. In the majority of cases, she will not verbally tell us that she is sad; we risk, by missing the emotional state that she is experiencing, reproaching her and saying things that will hurt her.

To welcome our partner, we must be distant from ourselves and forget ourselves for a moment by using two mental techniques. The first is concentration on our own emotional states one hour before meeting her. By being aware of the emotions within us, we can then adjust ourselves more easily to those of our better half. Concentrating on our emotions, is observing how we live and think in order to forget our other worries. In fact, it is important to be present in our interior world to be able to be there for our partner. Finally, we no longer try to solve problems, no matter what they are; we only will feel the emotions which will occur.

In the second technique, we must become neutral in our thoughts and emotions some minutes before and after the moment that we come in contact with our love to emotionally be able to welcome her. Welcoming means reacting in a way which corresponds to our partner's emotional mood. In other words, put ourselves at the disposal of her immediate experience. To be neutral consists of many actions. We stop thinking about the things that we are worried about, and we breathe deeply. At the same time, we concentrate on our breathing and on what we are feeling within to contain our emotions. For that, we must show our feelings as little as possible in our words, gestures and facial expressions. We will content ourselves with saying hello and after, as if we stopped time, we fall in a hole of being and in a state of momentary amnesia. We don't look at her and we don't really listen to her, it is as if she stopped existing. This emotional restraint allows us to cut off our emotional state to let another one come in which is more adapted to the one of our partner. But being neutral can seem illogical. We would be more inclined to say that since we are happy to see our partner again, we should express it immediately in words and gestures. However, by going too quickly to kiss her and hold her in our arms, we risk not being adequate. Rather we must give her time to notice our emotional state, because maybe she is not ready for a kiss, which will cause a chill preventing communication. No matter what the duration of her absence (from one to many days), we must always devote a little bit of time at first to gauge her. So, by being neutral, it allows us to gauge her. So, the more we are immobile in our gestures and thoughts, and the less we speak and express emotions, the more we are reassuring to our partner.

Taming means taking time to let our good intentions show. During the time when we are neutral, we stop evaluating ourselves and evaluate our partner. We aren't looking to know her mood and we are not looking to ask our partner to fulfill one of our desires or that she takes care of us. Becoming neutral, is to retract into our interior world to let our emotions fall to the level of the stomach. The sensation of a weight in our stomach indicates that we are neutral. By gradually introducing ourselves, the establishment of emotional communication is put in place, which favors an exchange of affection.

Synchronizing our need for affection.
Life is made up of cycles like sleeping and consciousness. A couple's relationship also has cycles relating to each person's needs. Spontaneously, if there is good communication, the need for affection will arrive at the same moment. To synchronize ourselves with our partner's needs, the only rule to follow is to hold back our own feeling when our partner is not available to meet our needs. Any repression of our needs is a source of suffering, we must have a positive attitude toward it and wait until it is favorable time. Synchronization will be enabled by conditioning. We will thus be rewarded by a greater state of pleasure than we were expecting, and this will encourage us to wait again in such a way that eventually, it will not seem like we are waiting.

Go with the flow for the moment in conjunction with our partner's emotions and allow ourselves to be influenced and relaxed by our partner's presence.

This rule concerns the attitude that we should have at all times in the presence of our partner. Since she is the most important person in our life, we have more respect for her. This attitude will reveal itself to be the departure point of our attentive behavior towards her. And one of them consists in letting ourselves go with the current flow and using our partner's emotions. This is possible if we center ourselves on her.

In fact, if we only think about our job, we can't follow our partner emotionally. We must center our mind only on our partner. We can discuss anything or nothing, we can speak about ourselves and our worries, but all while taking constant care of her and her well-being. She stays at all times present in our mind like a background.

This centering lets us let go of our individuality which is made up of our masks. By letting these fall, we become emotionally transparent and open to our partner's emotions. Recall that a human relation is essentially done at the level of emotions. If while discussing with our partner, we try only to understand the intellectual signification of what is being said, which means we are not in real communication because we are on the defensive.

But on not being on the defensive, emotions of our partner will affect our behavior towards her, allowing us to faithfully react to her emotions. When your partner says that she doesn't think you understand her, this doesn't mean that you don't understand the meaning of her words, but rather that you don't feel her emotionally. When I am talking about being there for our partner, it is at this level that I mean. For example, if our partner asks us to go get her a glass of water while we are busy doing something else which we consider important, in being distanced from the relationship, this will bother us and we will tell her that being only two steps from the refrigerator, that she only has to get up herself because we don't understand the emotional message underlying this request. On the other hand, if we are emotionally present, we will understand that our partner needs care. This emotional observation will allow us to establish a relation of confidence necessary for an exchange of affection. It is also reassuring, consciously or unconsciously, for our partner.

Being reassuring
So that an exchange of affection is possible, we must be reassuring, or predictable for our partner. And for this, we must be self-disciplined. Thus, we should respect our commitments and when our appointments are, call her to tell her that we will be late for a meeting that we have set up, share in the housework, plan time daily to take care of her, listen to her and share in her hobbies. Discipline, is also setting up routines, like kissing her every morning before going to work, always getting home at the same time, making her breakfast every Sunday morning, listening to a weekly television program that both of you enjoy and snuggling up against each other, etc.

Being predictable in a relationship, is also always having the same behavior and the same attitude at all times and in all situations, whether it is when we are happy or in the middle of an argument. For example, if our partner is mad at us, we must accept this until it ends without judging her and then welcome her as if nothing had happened. In fact, by not wanting them to be upset with us, we reassure her because she will feel that we are not making her feel guilty. Always giving of ourselves one hundred percent in all activities that we share and in each exchange of affection that we have, makes up part of a routine that we force upon ourselves to better our relationships. In fact, self-discipline brings stability necessary for a loving relation.

Verbal communication:
We must tell our partner often that we love them and that we find her pretty. The best moment to tell her that we love them is when we feel good in their presence. We don't say I love you because it is important to tell her, due to our values and reasoning, but because we are feeling well-being. Telling them that she is beautiful comes from both a feeling and a thought. Thus, our partner is pretty because of the emotions that she makes us experience, but also by the importance that she has for us. These two words are landmarks in indicating the feelings we have for our partner. Our good feelings, while reassuring her, are food for a loving relation.

Undramatizing conflicts
Undramatizing conflicts is another way of maintaining a reassuring relationship. To undramatize our errors as well as those of our partner's, with consequences of her decisions and her choices which seem bad to us, we must bring things to what is important. In fact, the most important thing in our life comes from the love and well-being that we share with her and not money that we lose, the car that she crashed or the fact that we have differences in opinions on politics or any other impersonal subject. Undramatization implies trusting and respecting the other. On the other hand, by dramatizing situations, we contribute in maintaining conflicts which create tension in the couple, making emotional abandonment impossible.

Acceptance
We must serenely accept the decisions, actions and thoughts our partner has, even if they disappoint us. Respecting the other, is accepting differences because it is impossible to agree on everything. We must avoid trying to change our partner since accepting them as they are is great proof of love.

Relaxation
We must take time to relax and let everything out in order to forget our worries. Stress that accumulates in us drains us of energy and consequently, we have less energy to give to our partner. Stress, in excess, prevents us also from entering in emotional communication. In fact, when we have too many worries, it is impossible to let go physically. To diminish our stress, we can play an endurance sport to sweat extensively, work at a job requiring manual labor, drink alcohol to cry, laugh by going to see a comedic event, do meditation or perform any other relaxation technique.

Joy and laughter
Sharing our joy, laughing and making jokes with our partner helps them remove their masks. Laughter is a social emotion which brings the other closer and reassures her. It expresses the well-being that we feel being in her presence. On the other hand, being with an grumpy person, we become stressed and we emotionally close ourselves off. Laughter opens the door to emotions and makes emotional abandon easier.

Dates
It is good to have common hobbies with our partner to share experiences at an emotional level. For example, going to the movies to see a sad film allows us to exchange, after the movie, feelings that the movie made us experience. By expressing emotions about a common experience, we prepare the ground for an exchange of affection. Hobbies that we do with her is an experiment that helps develop emotional communication. The more we communicate emotionally, the more the frequency of emotional exchanges will be.

Social relations
When we are in public with our partner, we must value her by expressing her qualities, not being afraid to say that we find her pretty, kiss her, hold her in her arms and expressing all of our affection and love for her. Be a gentleman, open the doors, help her put on or take off her coat and boots, help her sit down in a restaurant. Hidden love is false love. There is no shame in experiencing feelings for a person. For our partner, showing our love for her to others proves the sincerity of our feelings. A woman can abandon herself to affection only if she truly feels loved.

Romantic music, romantic films
To end this chapter on psychological preparation, a subtle touch. Romantic music and films make us experience emotions similar to those that are experienced during an exchange of affection. The fact of being able to abandon ourselves to the emotions that they make us experience shows our ability to be affectionate. Romantic music and films make us melancholic and sad. These emotions are associated with a loss like what happens when we abandon ourselves. Crying while watching a love film proves our ability to let go. Woman are sensitive to this language, emotions revealed are true psychological food for them.